"I Like You" and John

A few Christmases ago, when we were living in Las Vegas, there was truly only one thing I wanted for Christmas. It is not unusual for me to have a list of books I want, but that year, for some reason, my list was extraordinarily long. Publishers were on my side that year (or working against me, depending on how you look at it) and there were so many interesting books for foodies that I had to have all of them.

The book that topped my list was "I Like You: Hospitality Under the Influence." I had seen Amy Sedaris on the David Letterman Show not long before the holidays and I realized after that, this was a book I had to have. I didn't understand the book when she talked about it- I thought, "Why is this woman writing a cookbook?!" I still wanted it. The hardcover, coffee-table book was under the tree from John and I couldn't have been happier.

I waited to crack the book open until the night of Christmas while I was in bed. I read every word and examined every picture, sidebar, and drawing. I remember John being next to me and getting super annoyed with me. I had the light on while he was trying to sleep, but even that wasn't the main distraction. I had laughed so hard at almost every sentence. I fell in love with her ideas for hosting parties. Amy's sense of humor is beyond sidesplitting. I can't remember a time where I have laughed for this long.

She would have a 25 cent sale on display with random household items she needed to get rid of- everything was 25 cents. She could take the profit to help pay for the dinner party. She would fill the medicine cabinet with marbles- this way, if there was a nosey guest, they wouldn't go unnoticed when the marbles hit the porcelain sink and made so much noise. She used Pez dispensers to hold senior citizen's pills when hosting a party for a retirement home.

I read every recipe amongst the technicolor pictures of peanuts with googly eyes, pictures of herself in various wigs and costumes, and my favorite picture- one of herself covered in whipped cream. I still have so many ideas from her craft projects and party games that I would like to see come to fruition. I think once I have a house of my own, I can have an Amy Sedaris housewarming party. I could serve Amy's Pork Medallions, Carrot Coins and Tiddlywinks Toadstool Pie with Silver Bullet Martinis and a Heavyset Cheese Ball for an appetizer.

We still talk about how hard I laughed that night, how it was my favorite Christmas gift ever. Recently I learned that our roommate, Pickle, had gotten me the book, but John was so mad that he insisted that he pay her for it so it could be from him. If you have not read this book, please pick up a copy- there is a paperback version now that you could find on the bargain shelves. It is a must-have.

Andes Candies and Grandma

Dropping by my Grandma's house was one of my favorite things as a child. Grandma always had something homemade hiding out in the fridge or wrapped up on the counter. If she didn't (and even sometimes if she did), she would run to the pantry for something sweet for us kids. Grandma always had something sweet around for those with a sweet tooth.

The one sweet treat I remember the most, other than Grandma's homemade goodies, is Andes Candies. I feel like the Andes Candies are a little old fashioned now and are not as prominent in the candy aisle. In their understated green package, perfectly lined up in rows, it seemed fancy to me as kid. Each rectangular chocolate is individually wrapped. The two flavors I think they produced when the product launched in the 1950's (then called Andy's Candies, for a fun fact) are Creme de Menthe and Mint Parfait. Both included the light, minty green color candy with the chocolate. The Creme de Menthe had the mint layer sandwiched between two chocolate layers and the Mint Parfait was the opposite. Both were equally enjoyable.

Of course the after-dinner mint was meant to last. You should be able to keep a package of these in your pantry for quite some time. Not after I showed up at Grandma's. I remember her opening the package, removing the cellophane and setting it on the table for me. She used to remove the first one, since they were packed so tightly into their cardboard tray. By the time she turned the corner, I could devour the first of the two rows of mints. The second could be reserved for later, but rest assured, I could eliminate that row too. Maybe after using the candies to substitute for the missing domino in Grandma's domino set.

Whenever I saw the commercial for Ande's Candies on TV, I thought of my grandmother instantly. Ande's touted itself as the number one after-dinner mint. Surely it is. You can't find another mint chocolate in the aisle. Especially something nice enough to put on the table with coffee after you have served your guests dinner. I think this is why it seems old fashioned to me. It is reminiscent of the 50's and this is why I like to have them around. I like the creamy texture, the refreshing minty taste and the way it reminds me of my Grandma every time.

Chile Rellenos and Karen

Not long after I moved to Sacramento, my boss, Karen Hamilton told me about the most amazing chile rellenos that she makes. She told me that she used to go to the best Mexican restaurant and when they closed down, she was lucky enough to get the recipe. She kept telling me, "You HAVE to try them." She would make them on holidays and would invite me to drop by and have some, but she lived downtown and I lived in Folsom, and I never managed to get into the car and get the peppers.

Last year between Christmas and New Year's Eve, Karen let me know that she would be making the rellenos again, probably for New Year's Day. I pleaded with her to bring me one so I could try it. She really didn't want to bring me one because she said that leftover, it can be not as good- soggy, greasy, etc. I told her I would not hold it against her- I realized the implications of eating a leftover chile. The best thing about Karen is that she never forgets anything- and she brought a plate of chile rellenos for everyone in the office to share. After living in New Mexico, I have to say that I have heard so many people tell me they have the best recipe for something Mexican or New Mexican. Usually these people live in random places like Nebraska, Texas or Ohio. I am always disappointed because their recipe never ends up tasting that good and usually is not authentic. I knew Karen would not disappoint me, but there is always the thought in the back of my mind that someone may have a different view of what good food is or what good Mexican food is.

When I bit into Karen's chile relleno, I was in heaven. The flavor of the coating around the peppers was slightly sweetened, but not too much- and the texture was perfect- not too soggy and not too crispy- enough that you could hold the pepper on its own. The filling was perfectly smooth, melted and worked perfectly with the spice of the pepper. I was dumbfounded and thought the recipe must be so complicated, that I could never duplicate her work. Wrong! Karen gave me a recipe that I will never forget. She said, "I will tell you, but maybe you will change your mind about liking them. It's the easiest recipe in the world." I begged her to write down the recipe and she told me she thought that I could remember it because it is only two ingredients: Krusteaz pancake mix and Velveeta cheese. Are you kidding me?

It's true. And they are still the best chile rellenos I have ever had. I'm sure neither of those ingredients exists in a Mexican cookbook anywhere. But I am here to tell you they are delicious. I will never forget them. I will won't have Miss Karen bringing them into work on January 2nd again this year. I will have to settle for an Albuquerque substitute unless I can manage to reserve enough energy to make my own using Karen's recipe.

Duck a l'Orange and Katy

There was a point in my life where I thought I should give New York a second chance. After I met Andy and we started traveling together, Andy got an apartment on the Lower East side of Manhattan. We lived at 1st and 1st which was always comical to us because there was a Seinfeld episode that was written around this block. 1st and 1st was known as the nexus of the universe on the episode, so we liked telling people that we lived there.

I picked up a part time job at the Barnes & Noble in Union Square, which I shamefully recall now, because I favor the independent bookseller opposed to the chains. In my own defense, I worked in the Music Department and not the Book Department. When I worked there, I was fortunate enough to meet a few celebrities- Tracee Ross (Diana Ross' daughter) when she was on Broadway in Ragtime, Sade (with child), and James Spader all come to mind. Other than that, it was a pretty regular job and I enjoyed alphabetizing the music and putting out the new releases.

Because I had the job, I couldn't always go with Andy when he was traveling and instead I would take mini-vacations to Brooklyn to visit my friend Katy. I had a section of her closet there where I kept a lot of my things and I could just pick up the phone, get on the subway and be at her Park Slope apartment in a jiffy. We would hang out together for a few days, reading stacks and stacks of magazines and watching random things on TV.

Park Slope was an up and coming neighborhood, so there were a few nice restaurants and bars around that we used to frequent. There was a deli across the street for incidentals and cigarettes, but to get to the actual grocery, it was a couple of blocks away, I remember. I never really bought that much at the grocery because you had to carry it home and then up the stairs to her apartment. Sometimes we would go together if we were cooking something, that way we could help each other carry all of the ingredients.

Sometimes I would be sitting with Katy in her living room and decide that I wanted something random. Usually it was chocolate and/or cheese. I would have to make the long trek to the grocery and back. I remember doing this in the winter too. I would ask Katy, "Doll, is there anything you need from the store?" She would answer, "Oh, please, Doll, everything. I have to make my own trip." I would offer to pick up whatever she needed and she would say, "No, really, it's not like I'm making Duck a l'Orange and forgot the oranges." It always made me laugh when she said this.

I will never forget that she said that and I say it all the time now, even if it's just to myself. It's such an easy way of saying- I don't even have salt and pepper in the pantry right now- I have a huge list and it would take you all day to shop for me. I always wanted to make Duck a l'Orange, though. I'm sure the Julia Child recipe is the way to go. Katy probably has made it before- and if she ever invited me for Duck a l'Orange, I would bring the oranges even if she didn't need them.

Cream Cheese & Jelly Sandwich and Casey

When I was in elementary school in Hurley, NY, I had a couple of friends who lived down the street. There were a few friends that lived a ways away and I would have to walk up and down steep hills to get there. It could be a long walk if you didn't know if they were home or not. This is back in the day where you couldn't instant message your friend when you're 8 years old. You have to go knock on the door and see if they are A. Home, B. Allowed to play, C. Want to play. My friend Wyatt lived a few houses down on the same side of the street and then Casey lived across from him.

We used to run around the neighborhood together until our parents yelled for us to come on in because it was dark. Casey was one of those kids that always seemed so well protected by his parents. He wasn't always allowed to come out to play and if he was, they used to yell for him and we would run all the way back to his house and it was just to make sure he was okay. Then we would go back again and do the whole thing all over. This was hard when we were far away, like down behind my house in the creek. We would sneak off that way to catch tadpoles. Usually nobody found out we were back there unless one of us fell in. If one of us fell in, we agreed to let the other one go home first so they wouldn't get in trouble when they saw your friend standing next to you sopping wet. Seems like it should be easy to stand up on the edge of a creek. It is. But it is not that easy to walk across the slippery rocks sticking up from the water. You had to do this to catch the tadpoles. We fell in more often than we caught a tadpole.

I remember his mother fixing him snacks. He used to eat what I thought were complicated, intricate snacks- like celery with peanut butter and raisins. Who has the time to put the peanut butter on celery, much less raisins? I just dipped my celery right into the peanut butter jar and ran off to play again. Not Casey. She would fix him snacks and offer to fix me one too. He would take a serious time out and sit down to eat. It was like a meal. She would serve him things like yogurt, granola, Chex mix (but some kind that is good for you) and fruit I think. This is all stuff that I did not eat for an after-school snack- I don't even really know if I ate after-school snacks like that. At least not on a regular basis.

Casey used to have to stop in the middle of the day for lunch in the summertime. I hated that because my Mom would just let me run in, grab what was for lunch and run back outside while eating. Casey's mother made him come inside and eat lunch with her and his sister. One time he told me that he had cream cheese and jelly sandwiches. I thought that was strange and had never heard of it. I told him it sounded really good. He said it was his favorite and next time his mom was making it, he would invite me for one. The next day, he begged his mom to make them again and she did. She invited me to eat with them that day and I got my own cream cheese and grape jelly sandwich with a side of potato chips. The combination of sweetness from the jelly, the richness of the cream cheese, and the texture of the bread was a perfect one. It is like eating lunch and dessert at the same time. Nothing compares to this sandwich. I still enjoy cream cheese and jelly sandwiches on occasion. Every time I do, I think of the days Casey and I fell into the creek trying to catch a tadpole.

Yoo-Hoo and P. Susan

On my first day at An Open Book, I was very nervous and quiet. My bosses, Michael and Doug were sitting in the office, only a few feet away while I manned the small selling floor. Michael would shout out requests for a CD change and Doug would just try to make me feel welcome. The phone would ring on occasion, mostly personal calls for Michael and Doug. After a couple of hours, I had gotten used to telling the caller that I wasn't sure if they were still in, but I would check and place them on hold. Michael would usually decide whether or not he wanted to take the call and then he would pick up. If not, I took very detailed messages, as I did not want my new boss thinking I couldn't even handle answering a phone.

A few hours into this first shift, the phone rang and I answered professionally. The caller asked for Michael. I told her that I would check to see if he was in and she interrupted, "I know he is there, I just talked to him, just patch me through please." I said, "Can I ask who's calling?" She said, "No." I asked her to hold and then turned to Michael and said, "There is someone on the phone that will not tell me who it is." He said, "I'm not taking the call unless I know who it is." I got back on the phone and said, "I'm sorry, he is not available right now, can I take a message?" She said, "Yes he is. Tell him it's the First Lady." I did. And he took the call, laughing.

P. Susan stopped into the store shortly after the call to meet me. She introduced herself as the First Lady and I didn't know her name was P. Susan until a few visits after that. Turns out, she had declared herself the First Lady of the bookstore and she was not backing down on that title. Her high school picture was framed and added to displays around the store haphazardly. She would move it around and put it next to her favorite books as if she was endorsing products with her picture. She quizzed me and ask me all sorts of questions- personal and professional and said that she thought I would fit in and saw why they had hired me.

I worked at An Open Book for quite some time, but it was a while before I developed a relationship with P. She was quite famous and seemed to know everyone in town and everyone seemed to know her. She would stop in and give me stacks of bookmarked magazines and newspaper clippings in a recycled bag- all things that reminded her of me. There would be an article about Stevie Nicks, picture of Martha Stewart on the red carpet, a story about a new CD she thought we should have in the store.

One time when she stopped by, I was drinking a Yoo-Hoo. She said, "Hmmm, nobody really appreciates the Yoo-Hoo anymore." I said, "Oh, I do- it's one of my favorite drinks. I love the Yoo-Hoo and I find it to be refreshing." I explained to her that I always buy one at UDF (United Dairy Farmers), because I am afraid they will stop carrying it if nobody buys it. I even told her the slogan for Yoo-Hoo which is "Yoo-Hoo or you don't." She laughed hysterically and couldn't believe I knew that. From that point forward, P. always stopped and got me a Yoo-Hoo to drop off with the media she collected for me. She never told me she was coming and it was always a surprise to see her. I miss P. bringing me my Yoo-Hoos and goodies to read over. She would swing by and hang out with me for a while since I usually worked the evenings on my own. I would do her the same favor- she worked part time at the Riffe Gallery downtown and I would make the trek on my nights off or weekends to see her. I would try to bring her things too- like a cookie or coffee. We used to say that there is nothing like free food. It's true- free food always tastes better.

P. still puts together the newspaper and magazine clippings for me on occasion. She still cuts them out and sets them aside for me. I get them in the mail at random times in a recycled envelope. When I get them in the mail, it reminds me of Yoo-Hoo and I will usually pick up a bottle shortly after reading the clippings.

Midnight Taco Doritos and Miss Mimi Monroe

When I convinced John to move with me to Las Vegas, he asked if we could have a dog. Okay. Never in my life had I considered having a dog. I never really had the desire to have something to take care of, other than a partner. I shun taking on new responsibilities as it probably can be attributed to my fear of failure. I wouldn't want to take on the responsibility of a dog and then let it down by not providing a good home. Retail can do that when you have a dog- sometimes it will be 12 hours by the time you are back home to let the dog out and when you do, you have to turn back around to pick up the dry cleaning, stop at the grocery and return the movie you rented last night. I also disliked when after work, I wanted a friend to stop and have a drink or dinner with me and they would say, "I can't. I have to go home to let out the dog first." I just thought having a dog seemed so not glamorous and really an overall, bad idea.

One should know that I am also allergic to dogs. I think this also wiped out the possibility of ever having a dog for a pet. One time I was at Johnny's and a dog hair flew into my eye and I ended up in the emergency room that night because my face had doubled in size from an allergic reaction. Any time I get a dog near me who likes to lick even my hand, my entire arm will break out in hives and won't go away easily. So I think it goes without saying that I was not fond of dogs and was never going to be a "dog person."

I promised John that we would get him a pug. He kept saying that he wanted a girl pug and that was all he wanted. Well, of course this was an expense that I could not see paying. I had a hard time keeping up with bills as it was and did not want to add another expense to our household, aside from the initial cost of buying a pure-bred pug. So in the meantime, John brought home pet after pet with minimal cost and upkeep. He brought home fish, cats, hamsters, guinea pigs, hermit crabs and played with ducks at the park down the street. He. Still. Wanted. A. Dog.

Shortly after moving to Vegas, John began working at an Animal Hospital as a receptionist and he became an amazingly dedicated employee. He became attached with animals that had to see the veterinarian regularly. He became friends with animals that were being boarded or held for several days after surgeries. When he came home from work, he would tell me stories about awful incidents that animals had been through that day and how he could help nurse them to become better. The doctors at the hospital started having John do more in the back of the hospital instead of at the front desk. He has a way with animals that is sometimes annoying to me. If there is an animal and John is in the room, the animal will be drawn to him like a magnet. That animal will completely ignore me and go to John. The doctors recognized his "Dog Whisperer" qualities and used it to their advantage. He could keep a dog calm, stop them from barking and crying and keep them in one place.

So when he called me at work, which he only did in the event of an emergency, my heartbeat was going a mile a minute. I thought something awful had happened. He told me that a woman who worked for the Pug Rescue had come in and was looking for someone to adopt a pug that had fallen under their wing. John explained that we did not have any money to get shots up to date and the doctors in the office agreed that they would give the dog all of the necessary care if he would just give the dog a home. The lady said she would stop by the house that evening with the dog and she would have to visit with me and see the house to be sure we could give the dog a good home. Okay. How could I let him turn that offer down? My excuse for not following through with my promise at that point was a valid one- I had no money to buy a dog. But now, with a completely free, pure-bred, girl pug I couldn't avoid the dog situation for even a few more hours.

When the dog arrived with the nice lady at our home, the dog seemed very sweet. She warned me that it was because of the medication she was under at the hospital, and she would be a little perkier in the morning. She said the dog had been living with bigger, more violent dogs and not getting along, so the family had agreed to put her up for adoption. We took her that night and she has been ours ever since. I was not thrilled. I was not embracing the adoption. I tried to, but only for a minute. The dog did come out of her medicated slumber and she had way more energy than I could have imagined.

Her previous owners named her Meatball. Strange. We couldn't figure out why they would name a little girl dog Meatball. We decided that there must have been a child involved in the naming process and they just happened to be eating meatballs for dinner that night and they named her this haphazardly. Well our dog could not be named Meatball- John would end up turning this dog into the World's Biggest Princess within minutes of the adoption and she would need a name that was suitable to live up to this title. He tossed it around for about 27 seconds and decided that she would be named after two of his favorite people: Mariah Carey and Marilyn Monroe. What a combination. Mimi Monroe became her name. She does not look like Marilyn and does not sound like Mariah.

Soon John had to make trips to the pet stores for dog treats, dog foods, dog bowls, dog bones, dog toys, dog beds, dog leashes, dog collars, and dog costumes. Every extra penny had to go to the dog and then even if we got her a collar or harness, he would see an even prettier one two days later that he had to have for her. I started getting annoyed at how much attention the dog gets and how little attention the depleted funds in our savings account got. I was not happy with the dog in bed- she snored and she wiggled around, keeping me awake all night. I didn't like her next to me and I didn't want to be her friend.

Well, now, a few years later, she has won me over. Believe it or not, even though John is her best buddy, she is also my friend. I cannot help but look at her and laugh sometimes, as she makes the funniest faces and has a personality that melts my heart. I am not the person that you could call "a dog person," but I do think of her in so many situations. Sometimes I think of her even before John does- and I will say something like, "We have to get home, I cannot let her sit there and wait to go outside anymore- we have to go now." And John will look at me in amazement, surprised that I thought of her before he did. She sleeps next to me now, usually under the covers. She sits in the kitchen with me while I cook dinner, anxiously awaiting a nibble, yes, but also very interested in being by my side. She does not like when John and I are in separate rooms, she will run back and forth until we finally end up in the same spot. She tries to give equal attention to both of us and being in separate rooms exhausts that attempt. We dress her up in pretty, little dresses, which she loves- she will often go into the closet to the drawers where her clothes are and choose an outfit to wear. Sometimes she won't fit into her clothes and this depresses her pretty, little face. She has yet to go on a diet though.

In fact, diet is far from her mind. She, like most dogs, is constantly scouting for more food and she just can't ever seem to get enough. This is probably one of the reasons she has become my friend. Whenever I take her outside in the evening, when we get back inside I have to give her a treat. She won't let me forget. She will jump around in circles, stand on her hind legs, do a back flip, pirouette and a curtsy. One day I didn't have anymore dog treats available and I panicked. I didn't know what to give her and thought, "well, she likes anything." I peered into the pantry and saw a new bag of Midnight Taco Doritos and tried giving her a couple of those crumbled up. She devoured them and now they are her favorite dog treat. Don't kid yourself. Like I said. She will eat anything- but now she knows the Doritos and for awhile it was our little secret. John has found us out and we can't always be giving her this junk food. But he is rarely here when it's time to take her out and she can have the ultimate dog treat- Midnight Taco Doritos. Her favorite food.

Strawberry Jam and Grandma Umbaugh

Each summer my Mom got the invite to my Great Grandma Umbaugh's house for the annual reunion. Mom's side of the family was very big and distant relatives would show up from all over the country. We would be in Pennsylvania, usually in July or August and there would be what seemed like a million people for a massive picnic.

Some years we didn't go. I remember my Mom always wanting to go and she would be very disappointed if the reunion fell on a weekend that she couldn't make it. Usually these reasons were a soccer tournament, a dance recital or something along those lines. If we were at home the weekend the reunion was happening, Mom always mentioned that she wished she could be there.

When we did go, Mom would say she hoped to see certain people this time and when she did, she would introduce me. I remember being introduced to kids that were my age and many families that were thrilled to see us there. Whenever we brought one of the baby siblings along, they were always the star of the show- everyone wanted to hold the baby. A few times, my Grandmother and a couple of my aunts and uncles would be there. We could follow their cars all the way there. At least there were a few familiar faces when we got there.

Seeing everyone there and realizing how many people we were related to was wonderful, but the best part was Grandma's strawberry jam. She used to make tons of it and can it so she could give us some to take with us. My Mom loved the jam even more than I did- I think it reminded her of when she was a kid at her Grandma's house. Sometimes we would barely have gotten to town from New York all the way to Pennsylvania and Mom would ask the question, "You do have strawberry jam, right?" and Grandma always replied, "Of course!" She would immediately open one of the mason jars and hand it over.

I had never had jam made with fresh fruit, I don't think, until Grandma let us try hers. I fell in love instantly- she used the perfect amount of fruit- and it was very, very sweet. Mom would take a few jars back home and it didn't last very long at all. Suddenly everyone in our house was eating toast and English muffins so we could have the strawberry jam.

I haven't had Grandma's strawberry jam for years now. I miss seeing her and I miss seeing how excited my Mom would be to taste her jam.

The Wishbone and Mom

When my Mom cooked Thanksgiving dinner, it was usually because we were not going back home to my Grandma's for dinner that year. The dinner table would be my parents, my three siblings and me. Even though we weren't hosting any guests, my Mom would pull out all of the stops anyway and it was a special day for my family.

Mom would wake up very early to get the turkey in the oven. We usually woke up to her drinking her coffee, already showered and ready for a fun day. My brother and sisters and I would plan which games we were going to play while watching Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. Immediately following the parade, we would switch over to our Nintendo and inevitably Super Mario Bros. would become a marathon until Mom was ready to take a break from the kitchen.

Instead of lunch, Mom would serve a smorgasbord of appetizers like a vegetable tray, chips and dip, cheese and crackers, and she always had a bowl of nuts on hand to crack open. We would put all of the snacks on the table around a board game or cards. We played games like Uno and Phase Ten. She would occasionally get up to check on the bird, basting and removing the foil top.

After a beautiful dinner, it was time to clean up and I remember doing lots of the dishes. We would put the food away even though we knew that we would each take our turn pulling our favorites back out later in the evening to snack on. After dessert, of course. Mom would save packing up the turkey for last and she would be sure to save every last piece of turkey off of the bird. After Thanksgiving we would make delicious turkey sandwiches.

Once I began doing the dishes, suddenly my siblings would disappear and end up taking a nap on the sofa or in front of the TV in the living room. When we were done with all of the dishes, my Mom always surprised me. I would look up at the faucet and she had placed the wishbone there. She would tell me to let it dry out for a little bit and we would make a wish later. She always cleaned it perfectly and it would dry out over a couple of hours. Later that evening before heading to bed, Mom and I would go into the kitchen and make our wish as we broke the wishbone.

Recently, I was at John's mother's house and she had the wishbone sitting next to her faucet to dry out and I remembered how Mom used to do the same thing. I always thought that if I got the bigger end of the wishbone that my wish would come true. It's one of the little things my Mom did for me that made me feel special. Something I will always remember.